I don’t know about you, but I find myself feeling pretty disheartened by the news just at the moment. The situation in the Middle East seems terrible and intractable, as thousands and thousands of lives are brought to a brutal end, or subject to terrible injury, displacement and indignity. The attacks of October 7th 2023 were, as we know, not the starting gun on this awful process but rather fuel on flames which had been burning for many years.
Similarly, as we envisage, with heavy hearts, another winter of war in Ukraine and Russia, we know that the problem didn’t spring up unexpectedly in February 2002. The question of Russian influence and Ukrainian identity had been rumbling along for years.
And these sorts of conflict can be mirrored in our own communities- I once heard someone describing the growing ranks of freshly planted leylandii trees in the UK as “17 million neighbourhood disputes waiting to happen”.
We can get territorial about our gardens, we can get defensive about our clubs and societies, and I don’t think there’s a parish church in the land that hasn’t had some sort of argument over either replacing the instant coffee with freshly brewed or removing the pews! Not to mention the serious difficulties we have in the church over the roles of women and the entitlements of our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters.
We can all get stuck in to argument and conflict about “the way things were” or “ the way things should be”, falling back on real or imagined memories of the outcome we want. And, as we all know, conflict is often terrible, destroying people and relationships, communities, crops and homes.
I was provoked though, recently, to remember something I heard a couple of years back at a conference- that you only get a conflict when two people care passionately about the same thing.
For example, if two people are arguing about whether or not we should hold a village music festival, that will be because they both have a vision of, and a concern for, the sort of community they are living in. If two people are both arguing over the menu for Christmas day lunch, that will be because they both feel passionately about the importance of the festivities.
The next time we find ourselves getting hot under the collar about some situation, and at loggerheads with someone else, perhaps it would be helpful to reflect on this- they are as passionate about this subject as you are- and you actually have something important in common. That doesn’t magically evaporate your differences, but it might just give us all a different perspective on the matter in hand, and a renewed respect for the position of the other person.
Finding a path towards respect and positive regard for someone, even when we disagree with them, might be the first step to making a positive change, and even finding a workable solution.
Jesus said “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God”
As terrible conflicts rage around us, this month let’s all try to be peacemakers where we are.
Blessings
Revd Kalantha
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